For those new to computing, here is a list of the more commonly misunderstood terminology.


ACCESS TIME--The time between the instant at which information is called for and the instant at which management expects the final report.

ASSUMED DECIMAL POINT--Located two positions to the right of a  programmers current salary, estimating his own worth.

BLOCK DIAGRAM--Schematic gibberish.

BIT--the increment by which programmers slowly go mad.

BRANCH INSTRUCTION--Advice from a district office.

CHAINING--A method of attaching programmers to desks to speed up output.

CHECKPOINT--The location from a programmer draws his salary.

COMMON LANGUAGE--The first thing a programmer must forget to be successful.

COMPLEMENT--An antique, outdated form of speech once used to express appreciation.

CONSTANT--A type of pressure.

CONSTANT AREA--The stomach.

CORE STORAGE--A receptacle for the center section of apples.

COUNTER--A device over which Old Fashions are served.

DEBUGGING--Removing the needles from the haystack.

DIGIT EMMITTER--Sandals.

ERROR--What someone else made when they disagreed with your computer output.

EXTERNAL STORAGE--Wastebasket.

FIXED LENGTH WORD--Four letter words used by progammers in a state of confusion.

FLOATING CONTROL--A characteristic exhibited when you have to go to the rest room but can't leave the computer.

FLOATING POINT--The absolute limit before Floating Control is lost.

FLOW CHART--A graphic representation os the fastest route to the coffee machine.

FORTRAN--Fortunately Our Readers Take Refreshers At Nightschool.

GARBAGE--Highly aromatic computer output.

HIGH SPEED PRINTER--Wife writing checks.

HOUSEKEEPING--Letting the next person clean up your mess in the computer room.

INDEX REGISTER--Constant source of irritation.

INPUT--Food, whiskey, beer, excedrin.

INTERNAL SORT--The stomach, liver and kidneys keep changing positions.

KEY PUNCH OPERATOR--The best informed source of information regarding the weakesses of the system, New large scale compute and night clubs to hang out at.

LIBRARY--An organized collection of obsolete material.

LOGICAL OPERATION--Getting out of Data Processing to marry a rich widow.

LOW ORDER POSITION--The programmers position in the chain of command.

MACRO--The last half of an expression: for example "Holy Macro".

MATHEMATICAL MODEL--46-26-38

MATHEMATICAL CHECK--The renumeration received by a mathematical model.

MEMORY DUMP--Amnesia.

MICROSECOND--The amount of time required for a program to hang up.

NUMERIC--46-26-38.

OFF LINE--Failure to pass a soberity test.

ON LINE--Full, but not drunk.

OVERFLOW--The result of being too much "Off Line".

PARAMETER--The absolute limit beyond which the secretary yells for help.

PROGRAMMER--Red eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate monsters.

OPTICAL SCANNER--Male visitor in the keypunch section.

SPECIAL CHARACTER--A character which is out of the ordinary, different, a resident of Greewich village.
